1999: The Worst Year Ever (for Music)

Tonight, my roommates and I were playing Phase 10--a terrific game, by the way--while watching the 90's channel, which plays and shares facts about songs that were popular during the decade. For the most part, the music brought back fond memories. We were all enjoying ourselves, singing along with most of the songs, having a grand old time. That is, until what was perhaps the worst single ever to receive a significant amount of airplay came on.

One of my roommates immediately recognized the opening notes and breathed a sigh of disgust. After a few seconds of the song, the rest of us understood her agony: The song was LFO's god-awful "Summer Girls." For those of you lucky enough to be unaware, "Summer Girls" consists of a series of couplets devoted to the "fine" girl who wears Abercrombie and Fitch. This is the kind of product placement that would make the Black Eyed Peas blush. Just how bad are the lyrics? Here's one couplet from the first verse: "You were the best girl that I ever did see. The great Larry Bird jersey, 33." I kid you not.

For the masochist in you:



Aghast, we listened to every verse, incredulous that such tripe was ever recorded, let alone played repeatedly on radio stations across the country. It was at this point that I realized something: 1999 was the worst year in history for popular music.

At first, it was only gut reaction. I thought to myself, "Any year that permitted something this terrible must have had nothing else going for it." But the scientist in me wanted definitive proof, so I spent a few minutes searching the internet to support my hypothesis. Sure enough, a little research proved me right. Consider the following:

1. LFO's "Summer Girls" reached #3 on the pop charts.

2. The number one song of the year, according to Billboard's Hot 100, was Cher's "Believe," a song that, whenever listened to directly, causes ears to bleed. South Park once did a nice--and deadly accurate--parody of the song:



3. Read points 1 and 2 again.

4. Two more top singles of the year:"Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega and "Higher" by Creed, which marked the point at which Scott Stapp's messianic complex became painfully apparent.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Ian, you sure know how to make a strong argument. But have you forgotten the song that most agree is the worst ever to be released, "Butterfly" by Crazy Town?" A fair objection, and one that I myself raised. "Butterfly" did not top the charts until 2001, but the song was released on the band's debut album...in 1999!

Case closed.